It hurts when you dodge me
by Li Huang
People in my country are famous for having no idea of interpersonal space, not only physical space, but also mental space. People crowd into buses or subways every morning like canned tuna; people ask about your age whenever and wherever they want to. I hate it. But, on August 2, 2005, when a 20-something American boy dodged me on the 2-meter-wide sidewalk, I was hurt.
He trampled a beautiful Evanston lawn rather than walking close to me. I felt like I was disliked and avoided.
I conducted a very serious self-examination while I walked back to Engelhart, feeling a little bit upset. I am only 112 pounds and have never played goalkeeper in a football game in my entire life, which means I could not and don’t know how to occupy the whole sidewalk; I am not ugly. At least my boyfriend says I’m not. I am a quiet Asian woman, which means I am not at all intimidating. I take a shower every day and I was not just back from jogging, which means I did not smell. And I hardly ever eat garlic, which means my breath was at least OK. So, why?
Two days later, I found that it is not only he who dodges, but also other people. They all dodge. Not only dodge, but also mumble! After very careful listening, I figured out the mumbling was, “Excuse me.” Although on one hand, I am confused, I am totally relieved on the other hand. No matter what they were apologizing for, they were not avoiding me because something was wrong with me.
Two more days latter, I was very impressed by the large kitchen sinks, huge supermarkets, big cars, and gargantuan amount of food served in restaurants, suddenly, I understood! Americans like big stuff and they also like to keep a very large space between other people and themselves. It seems that they are always afraid of having not enough space to breathe or to swing their arms. They ask people to excuse them when in fact what they mean might be, “Could you please step further way from me? Otherwise I might hit you accidentally,” or “I don’t mean to be so close to you, and I am sorry I have deprived the clean air of you”.
This behavior is polite, I admit. But there are times when it could be perceived as coldness. The distance between heart and heart is far enough already. Sometimes I just want to say, “Excuse me sir, if I promise I would never hit you accidentally or on purpose with my arms or feet, and I will hold my breath for a while, do you mind if I just stand a little bit closer to you?” Sounds weird, right? Please excuse me.
People in my country are famous for having no idea of interpersonal space, not only physical space, but also mental space. People crowd into buses or subways every morning like canned tuna; people ask about your age whenever and wherever they want to. I hate it. But, on August 2, 2005, when a 20-something American boy dodged me on the 2-meter-wide sidewalk, I was hurt.
He trampled a beautiful Evanston lawn rather than walking close to me. I felt like I was disliked and avoided.
I conducted a very serious self-examination while I walked back to Engelhart, feeling a little bit upset. I am only 112 pounds and have never played goalkeeper in a football game in my entire life, which means I could not and don’t know how to occupy the whole sidewalk; I am not ugly. At least my boyfriend says I’m not. I am a quiet Asian woman, which means I am not at all intimidating. I take a shower every day and I was not just back from jogging, which means I did not smell. And I hardly ever eat garlic, which means my breath was at least OK. So, why?
Two days later, I found that it is not only he who dodges, but also other people. They all dodge. Not only dodge, but also mumble! After very careful listening, I figured out the mumbling was, “Excuse me.” Although on one hand, I am confused, I am totally relieved on the other hand. No matter what they were apologizing for, they were not avoiding me because something was wrong with me.
Two more days latter, I was very impressed by the large kitchen sinks, huge supermarkets, big cars, and gargantuan amount of food served in restaurants, suddenly, I understood! Americans like big stuff and they also like to keep a very large space between other people and themselves. It seems that they are always afraid of having not enough space to breathe or to swing their arms. They ask people to excuse them when in fact what they mean might be, “Could you please step further way from me? Otherwise I might hit you accidentally,” or “I don’t mean to be so close to you, and I am sorry I have deprived the clean air of you”.
This behavior is polite, I admit. But there are times when it could be perceived as coldness. The distance between heart and heart is far enough already. Sometimes I just want to say, “Excuse me sir, if I promise I would never hit you accidentally or on purpose with my arms or feet, and I will hold my breath for a while, do you mind if I just stand a little bit closer to you?” Sounds weird, right? Please excuse me.
posted by ISI E-ZONE @ 8:39 PM
2 Comments:
One thing you may find interesting is the amount of personal space needed by people varies in different regions of America. Some New Yorkers, for instance, stand much closer together than most Americans are used to. So some New Yorkers who move to other areas of the country experience a very similar feeling to the one you are having now. :-)
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